1 00:00:00,111 --> 00:00:02,311 _ 2 00:00:02,312 --> 00:00:05,049 (inhales deeply) Ah, the lunchroom... 3 00:00:05,081 --> 00:00:08,251 where the natural order of a school is put on display. 4 00:00:08,285 --> 00:00:11,220 For it is here that everything has its place. 5 00:00:11,253 --> 00:00:13,823 At the head table are the kings of the lunchroom... 6 00:00:13,856 --> 00:00:15,625 the football players. 7 00:00:15,658 --> 00:00:19,429 They've already gotten more blowjobs than we'll ever get. 8 00:00:20,036 --> 00:00:21,899 _ 9 00:00:21,931 --> 00:00:23,499 The cheerleaders are next. 10 00:00:23,533 --> 00:00:26,437 Upon graduation, they will shed their pom-poms 11 00:00:26,469 --> 00:00:28,672 and emerge as dental hygienists. 12 00:00:28,705 --> 00:00:30,607 Next, it's the drama kids. 13 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,811 SNOT: Ugh, so gross that they're always touching each other. 14 00:00:33,843 --> 00:00:36,980 Then the Goth kids, guys with no personality 15 00:00:37,013 --> 00:00:38,815 who always wear basketball shorts, 16 00:00:38,849 --> 00:00:40,650 the robots pretending to be kids. 17 00:00:40,684 --> 00:00:44,153 Then it's the dweebs, the nerds, the dorks, 18 00:00:44,187 --> 00:00:47,424 Bolivian kids, and, finally, we arrive at our table. 19 00:00:47,456 --> 00:00:49,692 - (gasps) - Hey, that's not us! 20 00:00:49,726 --> 00:00:52,162 Excuse me, gentlemen, this is our table. 21 00:00:52,194 --> 00:00:55,131 Oh, really? And what group are you guys? 22 00:00:55,165 --> 00:00:57,101 We are... 23 00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:59,602 uh... uh... 24 00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:01,705 That's what I thought. From now on, 25 00:01:01,738 --> 00:01:05,542 this table belongs to the left-handed kids. 26 00:01:05,575 --> 00:01:06,844 We don't have a thing. 27 00:01:06,876 --> 00:01:08,156 We don't have a table! 28 00:01:08,156 --> 00:01:09,846 - We... - (tray clatters) 29 00:01:09,879 --> 00:01:12,649 No-o-o-o-o-o! 30 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:15,243 Hey, man. Would you like to join us 31 00:01:15,278 --> 00:01:17,775 over at the table for kids who overreact to things? 32 00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:19,155 - Really? - Psych! 33 00:01:19,188 --> 00:01:23,026 We're the little stinker table, and you've just been goofed! 34 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,729 (laughter) 35 00:01:25,762 --> 00:01:28,465 36 00:01:28,737 --> 00:01:31,140 Good morning, U.S.A. 37 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:34,978 I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day 38 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:38,115 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face 39 00:01:38,148 --> 00:01:42,485 And he's shinin' a salute to the American race 40 00:01:44,353 --> 00:01:47,790 Oh, boy, it's swell to say 41 00:01:47,824 --> 00:01:50,294 - Good... - Good morning, U.S.A. 42 00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,328 Aah! 43 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:55,999 Good morning, U.S.A. 44 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,802 Come on, Steve. There's got to be a place we can eat. 45 00:01:58,835 --> 00:02:01,137 Oh, how about where the kid who died had his locker? 46 00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:02,806 That hallway's haunted. 47 00:02:02,838 --> 00:02:05,275 The kids who do those ghost-hunters YouTubes 48 00:02:05,308 --> 00:02:08,145 are devoting an entire webisode to it. 49 00:02:08,177 --> 00:02:11,113 I think I heard something. Do you feel a presence? 50 00:02:11,147 --> 00:02:13,150 Yes, it was definitely a ghost. 51 00:02:13,182 --> 00:02:15,618 He peed all over my pants. 52 00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:17,321 This isn't just about where we eat, 53 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,356 it's about what holds us together. 54 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,657 What's our brand? 55 00:02:20,689 --> 00:02:22,925 Snot, you're poor. 56 00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:24,194 None of us are poor. 57 00:02:24,226 --> 00:02:25,861 Toshi's Japanese. 58 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,196 None of us are even Asian. 59 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,432 A-And, Barry... 60 00:02:28,464 --> 00:02:30,033 (munching) 61 00:02:30,065 --> 00:02:32,201 Barry has a true warmth of heart 62 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,022 that none of us can come close to. 63 00:02:34,022 --> 00:02:36,440 Thanks for not saying "fat." 64 00:02:36,473 --> 00:02:38,508 Watch where you're going, loser. 65 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:41,811 Hey, that could be our thing... we're all losers! 66 00:02:41,844 --> 00:02:45,047 No way! He's a loser, you're a dumb-ass, 67 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,718 he's a bum, and he's from somewhere else. 68 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,452 The only thing you guys have in common 69 00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:51,955 is that you're asses are about to be grasses. 70 00:02:51,987 --> 00:02:53,223 (screams) 71 00:02:53,255 --> 00:02:55,157 Get those unrelated kids! 72 00:02:55,190 --> 00:02:57,760 73 00:02:59,978 --> 00:03:02,369 _ 74 00:03:03,332 --> 00:03:05,401 (exhales deeply) 75 00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:08,938 (eerie music box music plays) 76 00:03:11,574 --> 00:03:13,543 MAN: Go away! We're closed! 77 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:15,038 I-I'm sorry. I-I just need... 78 00:03:15,038 --> 00:03:16,679 Didn't you hear me?! Oh, hey, Steve. 79 00:03:16,712 --> 00:03:17,619 Roger? 80 00:03:17,619 --> 00:03:20,249 The name's Twanderlust Lumpkin. 81 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,987 And this is my house of curiosities. 82 00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:26,265 Why did you open this weird shop full of stuff no one would ever want? 83 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,701 Hey, you're the one who came in here. 84 00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:29,629 I was running from bullies. 85 00:03:29,663 --> 00:03:31,364 W-What's that smell? 86 00:03:31,397 --> 00:03:32,932 Mold! 87 00:03:32,965 --> 00:03:34,568 So, bullies, huh? 88 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,302 Maybe you could use something from my shop. 89 00:03:36,336 --> 00:03:37,904 Let's see. 90 00:03:37,937 --> 00:03:39,973 This thing looks like a big shield or something. 91 00:03:40,005 --> 00:03:43,142 Maybe that would help to, like, block stuff. 92 00:03:43,176 --> 00:03:46,747 Um, and this is some sort of pewter dragon statue. 93 00:03:46,779 --> 00:03:49,449 You could... throw it at 'em? 94 00:03:49,481 --> 00:03:50,916 What is this stuff? 95 00:03:51,817 --> 00:03:52,952 What's this book? 96 00:03:52,986 --> 00:03:54,788 - (eerie music plays) - No! 97 00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:56,556 - (music stops) - This book is not for you! 98 00:03:56,588 --> 00:03:59,792 In it are contained all the solutions to your problems. 99 00:03:59,826 --> 00:04:03,063 With it, every fear you've ever had would melt away. 100 00:04:03,095 --> 00:04:06,099 Hopes would be fulfilled. Dreams would become reality. 101 00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:08,334 Growers will become showers. 102 00:04:08,368 --> 00:04:11,071 You do not want this book. 103 00:04:11,104 --> 00:04:12,339 (cellphone chimes) 104 00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:14,574 Oh, my meatball hoagie's ready next door. 105 00:04:14,606 --> 00:04:16,075 The sandwiches are meh, 106 00:04:16,108 --> 00:04:18,205 but the cutest guy named Prescott makes them. 107 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,656 I'm totally crushing on him. 108 00:04:19,656 --> 00:04:22,682 Right now, I'm playing it cool, just making little jokes like, 109 00:04:22,716 --> 00:04:25,185 "The clam chowder looks like a bowl of sperms." 110 00:04:25,217 --> 00:04:28,821 Do you think I'm being too coy, or should I turn up the heat? 111 00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:30,356 - (door opens) - While I'm gone, 112 00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:32,159 don't think about that book, Steve. 113 00:04:32,192 --> 00:04:35,762 Don't... think... about... 114 00:04:35,794 --> 00:04:38,965 that... byook. 115 00:04:41,633 --> 00:04:44,895 (music resumes) 116 00:04:44,895 --> 00:04:46,907 The Art of Witchcraft. 117 00:04:51,044 --> 00:04:52,712 These pages are blank. 118 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,711 _ 119 00:04:56,082 --> 00:04:57,784 (gasps) 120 00:04:57,817 --> 00:04:59,353 (music stops) 121 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:01,188 Well, I'm back, 122 00:05:01,221 --> 00:05:02,954 and it could not have gone better. 123 00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,224 Prescott and I had full and complete sex 124 00:05:05,257 --> 00:05:06,693 beneath the meat slicer. 125 00:05:06,726 --> 00:05:07,827 Steve? 126 00:05:07,861 --> 00:05:09,229 Steve?! 127 00:05:09,262 --> 00:05:10,330 Huh. 128 00:05:10,363 --> 00:05:12,433 Nobody's here to hear my lie. 129 00:05:15,593 --> 00:05:18,897 Mmm. Mom, this is the best funnel cake I've ever had. 130 00:05:18,969 --> 00:05:20,805 You should sell funnel cakes. 131 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,240 I don't know. 132 00:05:22,274 --> 00:05:23,742 You gots the goods, Ma. 133 00:05:23,774 --> 00:05:24,810 You're right! 134 00:05:24,842 --> 00:05:26,311 I'm gonna do it! 135 00:05:26,344 --> 00:05:29,911 I'm gonna take these funnel cakes and make something of myself! 136 00:05:29,911 --> 00:05:31,241 Don't tell me what you're talking about, 137 00:05:31,241 --> 00:05:32,596 because I'm going to the hardware store, 138 00:05:32,596 --> 00:05:34,192 and I want no distractions. 139 00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:35,988 Oh, Stan, I'd love to go with you, 140 00:05:36,021 --> 00:05:37,589 but I'm pretty hard at work on something. 141 00:05:37,622 --> 00:05:38,924 Not interested, Klaus. 142 00:05:38,957 --> 00:05:41,659 Yeah, WXIU's '90s Fest is coming up, 143 00:05:41,692 --> 00:05:43,695 and I'm making a list of all the '90s bands 144 00:05:43,728 --> 00:05:45,163 I hope might be there. 145 00:05:45,197 --> 00:05:46,999 All the bands from the '90s sucked. 146 00:05:47,031 --> 00:05:48,599 What about Marcy Playground? 147 00:05:48,632 --> 00:05:50,202 Holy crap! 148 00:05:50,235 --> 00:05:52,437 I straight-up forgot about Marcy Playground! 149 00:05:52,471 --> 00:05:54,106 They sang "Sex and Candy." 150 00:05:54,803 --> 00:05:55,874 Who else is on there? 151 00:05:55,906 --> 00:05:57,942 Offspring, Candlebox! 152 00:05:57,976 --> 00:06:00,846 Oh, man! So many memories. 153 00:06:00,878 --> 00:06:02,347 Two memories. 154 00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:04,816 (insects chirping) 155 00:06:04,849 --> 00:06:07,118 Gentlemen, our days of being pushed around 156 00:06:07,151 --> 00:06:08,519 have come to an end. 157 00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:10,723 This is a book of magic spells. 158 00:06:10,755 --> 00:06:13,058 I stole it from a weird curio shop. 159 00:06:13,091 --> 00:06:15,060 Steve, magic's not real. 160 00:06:15,092 --> 00:06:17,028 If it was, the Orlando Magic 161 00:06:17,062 --> 00:06:19,064 would have won a championship by now. 162 00:06:19,096 --> 00:06:20,565 Snot, you follow basketball? 163 00:06:20,599 --> 00:06:22,067 I watch the finals. 164 00:06:22,099 --> 00:06:24,469 Listen, all I know is when I opened the book, 165 00:06:24,502 --> 00:06:26,738 it wrote words in front of my eyes. 166 00:06:26,772 --> 00:06:27,740 Look. 167 00:06:27,772 --> 00:06:30,541 - - _ 168 00:06:30,575 --> 00:06:32,745 - Ooh! - Whoa! 169 00:06:33,195 --> 00:06:34,821 _ 170 00:06:34,856 --> 00:06:37,149 That's right, Tosh! We've found our brand! 171 00:06:37,182 --> 00:06:38,717 We're gonna be witches! 172 00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:41,252 And I've already picked out our first spell. 173 00:06:42,421 --> 00:06:45,257 "To return that which has been lost." 174 00:06:45,289 --> 00:06:48,493 The respect people used to have for air travel! 175 00:06:48,526 --> 00:06:51,262 We used to wear suits, God damn it! 176 00:06:51,296 --> 00:06:52,663 No. 177 00:06:52,697 --> 00:06:55,167 We're gonna get our lunch table back! 178 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,868 I guess it's worth a shot. 179 00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:02,940 Okay, the... the book doesn't say to hold hands. 180 00:07:02,974 --> 00:07:05,043 But it doesn't say not to. 181 00:07:05,461 --> 00:07:07,945 Goddess of Witches, hear our plea. 182 00:07:07,978 --> 00:07:10,382 We're just four boys in a tree. 183 00:07:10,414 --> 00:07:13,385 Please, Mistress Magic, if you're able, 184 00:07:13,418 --> 00:07:16,855 return to us our luncheon table! 185 00:07:16,887 --> 00:07:18,356 Okay, that's that. 186 00:07:18,389 --> 00:07:20,425 I-I guess we find out tomorrow if it worked. 187 00:07:20,914 --> 00:07:23,896 BARRY: Oh, no! Our magic didn't work! 188 00:07:23,928 --> 00:07:25,731 It's okay, Steve. 189 00:07:25,764 --> 00:07:28,400 It was a stupid idea anyway. 190 00:07:28,753 --> 00:07:29,874 _ 191 00:07:31,969 --> 00:07:34,972 I appreciate you trying to cast another spell, Tosh, 192 00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:36,741 but it's useless. 193 00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:38,743 _ 194 00:07:40,445 --> 00:07:41,613 Hey! 195 00:07:41,646 --> 00:07:43,816 He caught that with his right hand. 196 00:07:43,849 --> 00:07:45,750 What the... 197 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,989 What's happening to me?! 198 00:07:52,022 --> 00:07:54,459 I believe you're sitting at our table. 199 00:07:54,493 --> 00:07:55,827 Who... 200 00:07:55,861 --> 00:07:57,329 Who are you? 201 00:07:57,361 --> 00:07:59,297 We're witches. 202 00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:01,833 (screaming) 203 00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:03,307 _ 204 00:08:04,435 --> 00:08:05,803 (sniffs) 205 00:08:05,837 --> 00:08:07,339 Witchcraft. 206 00:08:07,372 --> 00:08:09,875 The dread hour is upon us. 207 00:08:13,822 --> 00:08:15,848 Time to hunt. 208 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,183 Is that a half-eaten roll of raw cookie dough? 209 00:08:18,486 --> 00:08:19,785 What was going on with me 210 00:08:19,817 --> 00:08:22,620 last time I was on this witch-hunter's cabinet? 211 00:08:25,358 --> 00:08:27,861 I got to admit, Steve, I didn't think becoming 212 00:08:27,894 --> 00:08:30,496 a boy witch would be so immediately rewarding. 213 00:08:30,529 --> 00:08:32,131 Now that we know it works, 214 00:08:32,164 --> 00:08:35,202 the only question is, what spell do we cast next? 215 00:08:36,502 --> 00:08:38,805 Here's a spell to give someone warts. 216 00:08:38,838 --> 00:08:41,174 Here's a spell that cures all cancer. 217 00:08:41,207 --> 00:08:43,010 Hmm. The boys at Big Pharma 218 00:08:43,043 --> 00:08:46,080 would not be happy if this little secret got out. 219 00:08:46,112 --> 00:08:48,881 Whoa. Check out the back section... 220 00:08:48,914 --> 00:08:50,183 Blood Magic! 221 00:08:50,217 --> 00:08:51,919 These spells are really dark. 222 00:08:51,952 --> 00:08:54,654 This one just says "Pure Evil." 223 00:08:54,688 --> 00:08:57,356 "Annal nathrak uthvas"... 224 00:08:57,390 --> 00:08:58,859 (wind howls) 225 00:08:58,891 --> 00:09:02,161 (screaming) 226 00:09:02,194 --> 00:09:04,330 I don't like Blood Magic! 227 00:09:04,364 --> 00:09:07,234 Yeah, Steve. Maybe we shouldn't mess with any of this. 228 00:09:07,266 --> 00:09:10,036 What if we agree to take Blood Magic off the table 229 00:09:10,069 --> 00:09:12,705 and only use our powers to help people? 230 00:09:12,739 --> 00:09:14,541 We'll be good boy witches. 231 00:09:14,573 --> 00:09:17,712 (Steve Miller Band's "Abracadabra" plays) 232 00:09:22,915 --> 00:09:24,250 I heat up 233 00:09:24,284 --> 00:09:26,720 I can't cool down 234 00:09:26,752 --> 00:09:28,354 Got me spinning 235 00:09:28,388 --> 00:09:30,524 - Around and round - So cool. So confident. 236 00:09:30,557 --> 00:09:33,038 Why can't you be confident like that?! 237 00:09:33,038 --> 00:09:35,057 That's what I want for you! 238 00:09:35,057 --> 00:09:37,548 You have so much... 239 00:09:37,548 --> 00:09:39,519 potential! 240 00:09:39,519 --> 00:09:41,901 You call my name 241 00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:45,606 I heat up like a burning flame 242 00:09:45,639 --> 00:09:47,207 Burning flame 243 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,143 Full of desire 244 00:09:49,175 --> 00:09:50,643 Kiss me, baby 245 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,223 Let the fire get higher 246 00:09:52,223 --> 00:09:56,949 Abra, abracadabra 247 00:09:56,982 --> 00:09:59,752 I wanna reach out and grab ya 248 00:09:59,785 --> 00:10:05,125 Abra, abracadabra 249 00:10:05,158 --> 00:10:08,162 Abracadabra 250 00:10:08,194 --> 00:10:09,762 You make me hot 251 00:10:09,795 --> 00:10:12,131 You make me sigh 252 00:10:12,164 --> 00:10:13,599 - You make me laugh - _ 253 00:10:13,632 --> 00:10:15,968 You make me cry 254 00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:19,806 Keep me burning for your love 255 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,776 - With the touch of a velvet glove - _ 256 00:10:22,808 --> 00:10:27,014 Abra, abracadabra 257 00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:30,250 I wanna reach out and grab ya 258 00:10:30,283 --> 00:10:32,419 Abra, abracadabra 259 00:10:32,452 --> 00:10:34,822 (urinating) 260 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,157 _ 261 00:10:37,189 --> 00:10:39,525 It sure has, Toshi, my friend. 262 00:10:39,558 --> 00:10:42,129 Hey! I understand Tosh! 263 00:10:43,025 --> 00:10:47,688 _ 264 00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:51,516 _ 265 00:10:52,005 --> 00:10:53,207 Oh. 266 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,543 Cool. 267 00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:02,115 Boys, I think it's time to upgrade our position in the lunchroom. 268 00:11:02,148 --> 00:11:03,817 But we just got our table back. 269 00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:05,853 Yeah, but we're witches now. 270 00:11:05,885 --> 00:11:08,222 We shouldn't be sitting at the worst table in the cafet... 271 00:11:08,255 --> 00:11:09,689 Worst table?! 272 00:11:09,722 --> 00:11:12,525 It's right by the garbage and the bathrooms! 273 00:11:12,558 --> 00:11:15,127 What is wrong with you? 274 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:15,896 (laughter) 275 00:11:15,896 --> 00:11:18,731 Marshall, my good man. How's your day going? 276 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,634 Can I hook you guys up with some butterflies? 277 00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:23,637 Dude, you have 10 seconds to get the heck away from this table. 278 00:11:23,669 --> 00:11:26,707 Marsh, it's good. We're witches now. 279 00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:28,207 You know the old saying... 280 00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:31,077 quarterbacks, witches, the rest be bitches. 281 00:11:31,111 --> 00:11:32,940 (chuckles) All right, squeeze it in. 282 00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:34,533 Nothing wrong with a little thigh to thigh. 283 00:11:34,533 --> 00:11:36,529 There aren't enough butterflies in the world 284 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,385 to make you cool enough to sit with us. 285 00:11:38,418 --> 00:11:42,656 In fact, there's fewer and fewer butterflies every year, nerd! 286 00:11:42,688 --> 00:11:44,857 (laughter) 287 00:11:44,890 --> 00:11:47,159 Embarrass me in front of everyone. 288 00:11:47,193 --> 00:11:50,029 He'll pay for this. Stupid Marshall. 289 00:11:50,063 --> 00:11:52,832 He's not stupid, Steve. 290 00:11:52,866 --> 00:11:54,835 He's the Federation of Christian Athletes' 291 00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:57,103 Scholar Baller of the Month. 292 00:11:57,136 --> 00:11:59,705 Don't you listen to the announcements? 293 00:11:59,739 --> 00:12:03,243 Hello, pod listeners. This is our brand-new podcast 294 00:12:03,275 --> 00:12:05,444 where we remember bands from the '90s. 295 00:12:05,477 --> 00:12:07,347 That's right... Billy C. was in the White House, 296 00:12:07,380 --> 00:12:10,449 Frasier packed up his stuff and moved from Beantown to Seattle, 297 00:12:10,482 --> 00:12:13,219 and no one could escape the sounds of bands like... 298 00:12:13,252 --> 00:12:15,254 - Better Than Ezra. - Cowboy Junkies. 299 00:12:15,288 --> 00:12:17,356 - Spin Doctors. - Toad the Wet Sprocket. 300 00:12:17,390 --> 00:12:18,617 - Hey, Stan? - Yeah, Klaus? 301 00:12:18,617 --> 00:12:20,928 Who would you say is your favorite '90s band 302 00:12:20,961 --> 00:12:23,764 to remember with the word "soul" in their name? 303 00:12:23,797 --> 00:12:26,266 Asylum, Coughing, or Collective? 304 00:12:26,299 --> 00:12:28,702 Easy, Collective. Collective Soul. 305 00:12:28,735 --> 00:12:32,239 I love remembering Collective Soul. 306 00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:36,576 (twinkles) 307 00:12:36,608 --> 00:12:38,210 What's up, my witches? 308 00:12:38,244 --> 00:12:39,646 What happened to your hair? 309 00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:42,082 - And why are you with him? - Oh, Marshall? 310 00:12:42,115 --> 00:12:44,217 He decided to quit football and become a boy witch. 311 00:12:44,250 --> 00:12:47,453 I realized I wanted to be a cool witch, 312 00:12:47,486 --> 00:12:49,121 like Steve, my master. 313 00:12:49,154 --> 00:12:50,624 See? Nothing weird. 314 00:12:50,656 --> 00:12:53,793 When did Marshall's eyes get milky, like a blind guy? 315 00:12:53,827 --> 00:12:56,296 You used Blood Magic on him! 316 00:12:56,328 --> 00:12:58,332 You broke our hold-hand promise! 317 00:12:58,365 --> 00:12:59,306 What's wrong with you?! 318 00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:02,836 Marshall disrespected us, and I taught him some respect. 319 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,303 We should be running this school. 320 00:13:04,337 --> 00:13:06,065 We should be running this whole town. 321 00:13:06,065 --> 00:13:07,940 You're out of control, Steve. 322 00:13:07,973 --> 00:13:11,110 We only got into this so we'd have a place to eat. 323 00:13:11,144 --> 00:13:12,479 Place to eat?! 324 00:13:12,511 --> 00:13:14,080 We should be able to eat wherever we want 325 00:13:14,114 --> 00:13:15,682 and however we want. 326 00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:17,284 Marshall, churro! 327 00:13:17,317 --> 00:13:20,587 (munching) 328 00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:22,022 Ahh. 329 00:13:22,054 --> 00:13:24,156 We could have the whole town chewing our food. 330 00:13:24,189 --> 00:13:26,826 Steve, if you don't stop this right now, 331 00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:29,763 we will force you to stop. 332 00:13:29,795 --> 00:13:33,467 You can stop me, but you got to stop Marshall first. 333 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,137 Bye-bye, boys. 334 00:13:37,303 --> 00:13:39,039 (growls) 335 00:13:39,072 --> 00:13:41,942 (breathing heavily) 336 00:13:41,975 --> 00:13:43,877 (gasps) 337 00:13:43,909 --> 00:13:45,011 (body thuds) 338 00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:47,447 Pretty cool, huh? 339 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,549 On one hand, thank you. 340 00:13:49,582 --> 00:13:52,552 On the other, you just murdered a student! 341 00:13:52,584 --> 00:13:53,953 That wasn't a student. 342 00:13:53,986 --> 00:13:56,722 That was a zombie created by Blood Magic! 343 00:13:56,755 --> 00:13:59,892 I know, for I am of a line of witch hunters 344 00:13:59,925 --> 00:14:01,994 entrusted to protect this school. 345 00:14:02,028 --> 00:14:04,331 I'll find whoever made this demon. 346 00:14:04,364 --> 00:14:07,701 And when I do, I'm gonna crossbow his ass. 347 00:14:07,733 --> 00:14:09,902 If you want to keep your asses uncrossbowed, 348 00:14:09,935 --> 00:14:15,408 you stay away from Blood Magic, 'cause Blood Magic is dud magic. 349 00:14:15,442 --> 00:14:17,878 - (poignant music plays) - _ 350 00:14:21,548 --> 00:14:22,436 Oh, my God! 351 00:14:22,436 --> 00:14:25,852 We got to find Steve before Lewis does. 352 00:14:28,986 --> 00:14:31,424 Alert the Federation of Christian Athletes. 353 00:14:31,457 --> 00:14:35,761 Their Scholar Baller is dead. 354 00:14:35,794 --> 00:14:38,731 - (thunder crashes) - LORD DARKMORE: Marshall is no more. 355 00:14:38,765 --> 00:14:41,234 We must find a successor. 356 00:14:41,266 --> 00:14:45,404 And, guys, please be open to defensive players. 357 00:14:45,438 --> 00:14:48,574 They don't all have to be quarterbacks. 358 00:14:49,393 --> 00:14:52,898 359 00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:55,567 Hey, no kids! Go away! Read the sign! 360 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:57,068 _ 361 00:14:57,201 --> 00:15:00,505 Actually, we have a friend that came in here recently. 362 00:15:00,538 --> 00:15:02,473 His name is Steve Smith. 363 00:15:02,871 --> 00:15:04,309 _ 364 00:15:04,341 --> 00:15:06,978 Impossible! If that book were missing, I'd know. 365 00:15:07,012 --> 00:15:09,148 It's the shop's most priceless item. 366 00:15:09,181 --> 00:15:10,883 That's why I keep it in the most visible... 367 00:15:10,916 --> 00:15:12,251 (gasps) 368 00:15:12,283 --> 00:15:14,085 Wha... how?! It's gone! 369 00:15:14,119 --> 00:15:17,056 Oh, no! Now I have nothing to put on this podium! 370 00:15:17,089 --> 00:15:19,425 Wait. The pewter dragon! 371 00:15:19,457 --> 00:15:21,225 Perfect. Problem solved. 372 00:15:21,258 --> 00:15:22,661 (clangs) 373 00:15:22,694 --> 00:15:24,563 (sighs) That was the dragon, wasn't it? 374 00:15:24,595 --> 00:15:26,999 We used the book, and it worked. 375 00:15:27,032 --> 00:15:30,035 But then all the power went straight to Steve's head. 376 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,769 When you're older, I'll show you where 377 00:15:31,802 --> 00:15:33,838 all the power goes straight to on me. 378 00:15:33,872 --> 00:15:36,442 Sorry, I-I interrupted you. Please continue. 379 00:15:36,475 --> 00:15:38,844 Anyway, simple magic wasn't enough, 380 00:15:38,877 --> 00:15:41,547 and Steve turned to using Blood Magic. 381 00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:44,917 Aw, crap! The guy I franchised this place from 382 00:15:44,950 --> 00:15:47,853 said he's yank my franchise if I ever let anyone use 383 00:15:47,885 --> 00:15:49,887 Blood Magic in this franchise. 384 00:15:49,921 --> 00:15:51,590 We got to save my franchise! 385 00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,693 He said he was gonna use it to enslave the whole town! 386 00:15:54,725 --> 00:15:56,928 And we don't even know where he is. 387 00:15:56,961 --> 00:15:58,297 Okay, let's think. 388 00:15:58,330 --> 00:16:01,867 If I were a whole town, where would I be? 389 00:16:01,899 --> 00:16:03,468 To '90s Fest! 390 00:16:03,502 --> 00:16:06,638 (intense classical music plays) 391 00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:08,907 Who is pumped for '90s Fest?! 392 00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:11,143 - (cheers and applause) - We're Stan and Klaus. 393 00:16:11,176 --> 00:16:13,744 You know that from our podcast! 394 00:16:13,777 --> 00:16:15,647 (cheers and applause) 395 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,550 The '90s were great! They had bands like... 396 00:16:18,582 --> 00:16:19,984 Luscious Jackson. 397 00:16:20,018 --> 00:16:21,152 Blind Melon. 398 00:16:21,186 --> 00:16:22,387 Alice in Chains. 399 00:16:22,420 --> 00:16:24,623 Veruca Salt. 400 00:16:24,656 --> 00:16:26,558 None of those bands will be here today. 401 00:16:26,590 --> 00:16:29,393 So let's say the name of a band that is here! 402 00:16:29,426 --> 00:16:31,729 Semisonic! 403 00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:34,166 (cheers and applause) 404 00:16:34,199 --> 00:16:36,355 - ("Closing Time" begins) - Okay, you guys go right and look for Steve. 405 00:16:36,355 --> 00:16:38,836 I'll take the left. Don't dally. We must act fast. 406 00:16:38,869 --> 00:16:40,371 - Right. - You got it! 407 00:16:42,773 --> 00:16:44,676 Oh, my God. 408 00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:45,978 She did it. 409 00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:47,612 - She said she was gonna do it, - _ 410 00:16:47,646 --> 00:16:50,049 and she went out and did it... like a boss! 411 00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:55,186 Shit, I got to support. 412 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,622 Closing time 413 00:16:57,656 --> 00:16:59,258 I don't see him! 414 00:16:59,291 --> 00:17:02,594 Old lady of witchcraft, put air in my scrote 415 00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:08,100 and allow this humble witch to float, float, float! 416 00:17:08,132 --> 00:17:12,603 Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl 417 00:17:12,637 --> 00:17:13,871 There he is! 418 00:17:13,905 --> 00:17:15,840 It doesn't even look like him! 419 00:17:15,873 --> 00:17:18,176 Blood Magic has taken over! 420 00:17:18,209 --> 00:17:20,811 One last call for alcohol 421 00:17:20,844 --> 00:17:23,581 Hey, man, w-we're trying to play "Closing Time." 422 00:17:25,417 --> 00:17:26,618 (screaming) 423 00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:28,653 People of Langley, 424 00:17:28,686 --> 00:17:31,790 your lives as you know them are now over! 425 00:17:31,822 --> 00:17:33,225 Boo! 426 00:17:33,257 --> 00:17:35,793 Put back on whoever sings "Closing Time"! 427 00:17:35,827 --> 00:17:37,163 (croaks) 428 00:17:38,830 --> 00:17:42,201 It is now closing time on your freedom. 429 00:17:42,234 --> 00:17:44,403 You will all be my slaves. 430 00:17:44,436 --> 00:17:47,371 We have to stop him from casting spells! 431 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,440 _ 432 00:17:50,274 --> 00:17:52,043 (magic whooshes) 433 00:17:52,077 --> 00:17:54,380 434 00:17:57,014 --> 00:17:58,984 Who challenges me?! 435 00:17:59,016 --> 00:18:01,052 Don't do this, Steve! 436 00:18:01,086 --> 00:18:03,722 We're good boy witches, remember? 437 00:18:03,754 --> 00:18:05,991 I remember you laughed at me 438 00:18:06,023 --> 00:18:08,659 when I ate churro out of a quarterback's mouth. 439 00:18:08,693 --> 00:18:09,695 We didn't laugh. 440 00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:11,696 Die! 441 00:18:11,730 --> 00:18:13,532 (snarls) 442 00:18:13,564 --> 00:18:15,566 You may have Blood Magic, 443 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,304 but I'll take our friendship over that any day. 444 00:18:29,446 --> 00:18:31,483 Die, witches! 445 00:18:33,788 --> 00:18:34,619 I did it. 446 00:18:34,653 --> 00:18:38,090 I killed the guy who cut in front of me in the funnel cake line. 447 00:18:38,122 --> 00:18:39,924 Oh, and there's Steve. 448 00:18:43,794 --> 00:18:45,196 (grunts) 449 00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:47,967 Check, please. 450 00:18:59,977 --> 00:19:01,712 (soft music plays) 451 00:19:01,745 --> 00:19:03,114 Oh, no. Barry! 452 00:19:04,748 --> 00:19:06,083 What have I done?! 453 00:19:06,117 --> 00:19:07,819 I'm so sorry. 454 00:19:07,851 --> 00:19:10,288 (sobs) 455 00:19:10,321 --> 00:19:12,456 ROGER: There is one way. 456 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:14,126 - What? - Oh, I'm... I'm sorry. 457 00:19:14,158 --> 00:19:15,761 I thought you said you wish there was a way 458 00:19:15,793 --> 00:19:17,228 you could undo this. 459 00:19:17,262 --> 00:19:20,799 Well, I-I didn't say that, but, yeah, I do. 460 00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:23,301 There is one way. 461 00:19:23,334 --> 00:19:25,436 There's an undo spell in the book. 462 00:19:25,469 --> 00:19:27,238 Anything caused by your magic 463 00:19:27,272 --> 00:19:29,840 will be restored to its pre-magic state. 464 00:19:29,873 --> 00:19:32,009 But there's just one catch. 465 00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:32,982 Anything! 466 00:19:32,982 --> 00:19:35,946 You have to promise to buy that pewter dragon off me. 467 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:39,851 Fine! Just give it to me! 468 00:19:39,884 --> 00:19:42,120 Not the dragon, the book. 469 00:19:42,153 --> 00:19:44,223 Please! 470 00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:47,259 (whooshes) 471 00:19:47,292 --> 00:19:50,294 TOGETHER: Goddess of Magic, you gave us powers. 472 00:19:50,328 --> 00:19:52,030 They went to our head. 473 00:19:52,062 --> 00:19:57,268 We inconvenienced a lot of people, and Barry's now dead. 474 00:19:57,301 --> 00:19:59,870 Bring our magic powers to an end 475 00:19:59,904 --> 00:20:03,809 so we can go back to being friends. 476 00:20:03,841 --> 00:20:06,978 (epic music plays) 477 00:20:09,013 --> 00:20:11,116 What was your favorite part about being a witch? 478 00:20:11,148 --> 00:20:12,684 Got to be honest, Steve, 479 00:20:12,716 --> 00:20:15,486 it's still pretty hard to get those deaths off my mind. 480 00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:17,723 I did like floating. 481 00:20:17,755 --> 00:20:21,359 My favorite part was having a place to eat lunch! 482 00:20:22,033 --> 00:20:23,361 Don't worry. We'll get a table. 483 00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:25,597 Follow my lead. 484 00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:28,166 Ah. 485 00:20:28,571 --> 00:20:30,034 Marsh, buddy. 486 00:20:30,068 --> 00:20:31,636 How's that throwing arm? 487 00:20:31,668 --> 00:20:33,504 Are you freaking kidding me?! 488 00:20:35,106 --> 00:20:37,542 - (Semisonic's "Closing Time" plays) - As the sun sets on another day, 489 00:20:37,574 --> 00:20:40,010 the kids who get beat up by the football players 490 00:20:40,043 --> 00:20:42,380 find a place to call their own. 491 00:20:42,414 --> 00:20:46,417 Guys, I forgot to tell you, when you die, nothing happens. 492 00:20:46,451 --> 00:20:50,355 It's just a permanent cessation of consciousness. 493 00:20:50,388 --> 00:20:55,260 I know who I want to take me home 494 00:20:55,292 --> 00:20:57,262 00:21:01,862 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0